i REALized

Hmm, I just spent my 33rd birthday sick.

For some, it's a sad way to start a "new year". But, I think it happened for a reason: Because I need it.

Now, it's not that I need to be sick, but I need time to stop and smell the roses - What I have been, where i am, and who I should be.

- I tried counting how many mistakes I've made and how it affected the lives of people around me.

- I thought of the few hours I spent to help or even save lives.
- I pondered how I am as a Christian - how I made it felt to others.

- I remembered how appreciated I have been to those who are dear to me.

- I felt all the pain, seen all the tears wept, heard all the lies, tasted the bitterness of defeat, and I smelled the roses.

I had the chance to stand still and pause for a while.

I realized. I am still human: I made mistakes just like anyone else.

I fell in love and have experienced plunging into it's limbo. I told the truth yet I was able to lie. I've been happy yet in my heart, I have wept in sadness.

But maybe that's what really happens when you are human. You involuntarily ride the wheel of life: Sometimes you're up, other times you're down. And in between these spins are pauses. So when you've been down for so long, then the wheel halted for a while. One of these days, it will turn again. And when it does, be glad that your life is turning upwards.

Just like I will. Just like my wheel.

I'd like to thank the people who cared for me, not for what I can do but for who I am. I extend my deepest gratitude to those who held on to what I am even if it hurts. I am happy for those lives I've touched and have made them realize how good they are.

Let me also say this: I deeply extend my apology to those people I've hurt directly or indirectly. I might look mean for what I did that time but I was also a victim of the situation we do not want to be in.

Well, I was born in love, I will die in love.

By the way, on His 33rd year hear on Earth, Jesus died. He was hoping that He was able to save lives.

I hope I can also save some.

I had the time to stop and smell the roses... It was a wonderful experience.